Finding our way through a pre-nup

If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing right. I started working on a pre-nup nearly right after my dear So and I got engaged. I can now finally feel good about the pre-nuptial work I put into it all. This is a wonderful process for me, and for the relationship.

Most people think that pre-nuptial agreements are unnecessary, unromantic, and/or only for the rich. Based on my experience, I can definitively say that it is necessary, loving, and builds a strong foundation for an intimate life commitment. Having gone through this exercise, my fiance and I are finding that we feel safer and closer.

A major quality I like about pre-nuptials is that it requires you to think like an adult and be practical. Practical is unromantic, perhaps, but honesty and financial intimacy makes love even better. The foremost in reading through a pre-nuptial is that you are positioned to be honest and open about how you feel about money and where you are with your finances. It really is not an adversarial situation that it creates, as it is rumored to be. So long as you are completely honest with your partner, this is not at all difficult. Going through this process actually really makes this a partnership even before you take the vows.

Of course, my SO and I have also created living wills, or health power of attorney. We are creating a safe and caring environment in which we protect each other during and after our life. Once we are married and looking at real estate, we will come up with a living revocable trust in addition to making changes in our last will and testament.

Before I get off my soapbox, I would also like to mention that the whole process need not be expensive. While it is recommended that you each get an attorney, it isn't really too expensive, and you have options. If you both get lawyers, they tend to want a 4 hour retainer to review document and sit there with you to go over it before and during signing. That will run you about $1000 minimum in most cases, per person. In California, the Community Property Sate, you don't really need to have a lawyer as long as you both not waive the right to spousal support. You can get templated agreements quite cheaply and get it done under $200 -- it really depends on what you both can agree on.

This last point is particularly important to me, because I came from a divorced family that warred against each other heavily. As a child of divorce, I can attest to the burden of divorce on children. Unlike the cost of your wedding, this cost is an investment. Given the divorce rate, it is a wonderful investment in time and effort to go through this process starting when you get engaged. It will not only create a stronger relationship through open and real discussions between partners, it also help to make sure that you will have a less ugly divorce.