* Start planning your wedding and you may soon realize that finding The One was the easy part. You have friends coming out of the woodwork with advice, vendors trying to sell you crap you never knew existed, and a fiance who wishes you had eloped. So you turn to the bridal mags for answers but quickly learn that they just push more hot buttons.
"These magazines tap into your emotions and play up the fantasy part of your wedding but ignore the reality that your fantasy isn't free," says Alan Fields, author of Bridal Bargains. In fact, matrimony is a $50 billion a year industry that gets the average couple to spend about $20,000, creating enough pressure to make even the mellowest bride-to-be bug out. Chill, girl. We did some prenup nosing around and scored advice from the pros. Say "I do" to these tips, and they'll help you pull off the wedding you've always wanted ... without a hitch.
(1) Bargain-Hunt for a Gown
Why pay big bucks at a bridal boutique, where dresses cost anywhere from a few thousand dollars to nearly 20 grand? Save and buy no-name duds from a bridal warehouse (listed in your yellow pages) or even a barely worn one at a local consignment shop. Or find a chic castoff online at www.ebay.com, www.craigslist.org, the Trousseau section on www.indiebride.com, or the forums of www.theregoesthebride .com, a site lot brides-to-be who bailed before reaching the altar. "I wouldn't even go to the stores because I knew I'd fall in love. with a dress I couldn't afford," says Andrea, 31, who snagged a $7,000 designer gown for less than $500 on www.preownedweddingdresses.com. "When the dress fit me like a glove, I knew that it was meant to be."
(2) Wear Any White Dress
"All those poufy wedding dresses sort of looked the same," says Erin, 28. "And it wits important to me that my personality came through." So she found a fab white party (tress at one of her favorite boutiques. Buying off-the-rack saves you cash and gives you more options so you can go with something shorter or sexier than a traditional gown.
3 Go for a Chic Shade
White too virginal for you? Don a dress in color. "White is not a mandate; it's a choice, says Carolyn Gerin, coauthor of The Anti-Bride Guide: Tying the Knot Outside the Box. "Color is a good thing if it makes you feel gorgeous."
(4) Lose the "W" Word
"Say the word wedding to a caterer or florist and the price will instantly jack up," says Jennifer L. Shawne, author of Instant Weddings: From "Will You?" to "I Do!" in Four Months or Less. So don't let vendors know you're getting hitched. Get price quotes over the phone instead of doing a face-to-face, and say you're giving a retirement or birthday party.
(5) Tie the Knot at a Botanical Garden
Love the idea of flowers but hate to blow your budget on floral arrangements? Throw your nups at your local botanical garden, where the buds are part of the scenery. The American Association of Botanical Gardens and Arboreta at www.aabga.org has a list of member gardens in the U.S. Some rent their locations for private events. Look on their sites for the "contact us" info.
(6) Order Flowers in Season
Stick to buds that grow in your region naturally at the time of your wedding. It's cheaper, and you'll minimize shipping mishaps that can happen when transporting breeds long-distance. "Educate yourself on what you can get," says Joanne O'Sullivan, author of The New Book of Wedding Flowers. Do your own research or ask your florist what indigenous flowers are in season.
(7) Make Creative Table Centerpieces
Who says you have to plop floral arrangements in the middle of every table? Think dried flowers wrapped in ribbon, baskets of fruit, even goldfish bowls. Or work mound a personal theme, which is what Stacy, 28, did. "My husband is Irish, so in order to honor his heritage, we put clovers in hand-painted clay pots on all the tables," she says. "It looked amazing, and his family really appreciated it."
(8) Ditch the B-List Guests
You're spending big bucks per head, so you may want to rethink inviting your dad's golf buddy or your long-lost best friend. "It's nuts to invite people out of misguided obligation," says Diane Warner, author of The Contemporary Guide to Wedding Etiquette. "'It adds to the expense and makes your wedding impersonal." Rule of thumb: Leave a "friend" you haven't spoken to in two years off your list. Relatives are touchier. "One way to avoid hurt feelings: Invite family members over 21 only," says Ali Phillips, owner of Engaging Events by Ali.
(9) Have a Destination Wedding
Another guilt-free way to edit your guest list is to throw the fete out-of-town. You're getting a built-in excuse not to invite the peripherals, plus you and the people you really want will have a blast at some exotic locale.
(10) Look for Untapped Photo Talent
Lose the traditional wedding photographer and hire a lesser-known shutterbug who often works as an underappreciated but technically talented assistant. "It'll be easier on your budget, and a novice can offer a fresh eye on what's worth capturing on film," says Ian Londin, a photographer in New York City. Up-and-comers often advertise their services on sites like www.craigslist.org and in the classifieds. You can also poach them while they're working another wedding you're attending (just be stealthy so the boss doesn't find out) or tap the photo desk at the local newspaper.
(11) Consider Cupcakes
Cut out the classic triple-tiered wedding cake (which can range from $225 to $2,200 to feed 150 guests) and chow down on individually designed cupcakes instead. Not only will you save dough, but cupcakes often taste fresher than some cakes. "High-volume bakeries make so many wedding cakes that they sometimes bake them in advance and freeze them," says Kas Winters, author of Your Wedding Your Way. "They look good, but they taste stale."
(12) Ban Bridesmaids
Why make your buds shell out cash on dresses they'll never wear again? They'll be psyched if you let them off the hook. "Honor friends by having them do a reading or make a toast instead," says Gerin.
(13) Send Out E-Vites
Mailed invites are so last week. Since just about everyone and their grandma is wired now, send invitations online and have guests RSVP via e-mail. Sign up with a service like www.evite.com to manage your save-the-dates, RSVPs, and event reminders. You can choose cool designs from their gallery.
(14) Score One-of-a-Kind Invitations
If you'd rather go postal, put your personal stamp on your invites by hiring an art student to design something for you. Post a note in the career-services department at your local art school to tap a budding Picasso or computer-savvy graphic artist. Or, if you have the artistic chops, design your own.
(15) Hold Off Honeymoon
Sure, you're dying to get away. But after the whirlwind week you've just had, you might want to postpone your getaway and regroup. Amanda, 27, took her honeymoon nine months after she married: "My husband and I realized that we could really splurge if we waited until we had more money," she says. "Plus, it was like a double vacation because we took a week off for the ceremony and then had a whole other week to look forward to."
(16) Register for Your Honeymoon
Have enough martini glasses and bath towels to last a lifetime? Ask your guests to pay for pieces of your getaway instead. Sites like www.thebigday.com and www.distinctivehoneymoons.com make it easy. One of their agents will itemize the cost of your itinerary and post it on their site. "Guests then purchase portions of the trip in a range of prices," says Priscilla Alexander;, president of Distinctive Honeymoons.
(17) Keep Your Wedding-Night Whereabouts a Secret
Want a little postreception "do not disturb" time? Then don't stay at the same hotel as your guests. Or, if you do, don't reveal your room number. Tell the front desk to keep it on the down low and stay in another wing of the hotel. "If your friends keep dropping by to party all night, you'll never get a minute of privacy," says JoAnn Gregoli, a wedding planner from Elegant Occasions in New York City.
(18) Shake Up Your Aisle Style
Don't get hung up by who can walk you down the aisle. "It is a really old-fashioned idea that the father has to give away the bride," says Katherine, Jellison, PhD, associate professor of U.S. history at Ohio University in Athens and author of the upcoming "It's My Day": Gender, Class, and the American White Wedding, 1945-2000. Just ask Meg, 27, who had Mom and Dad on each arm, "Sure, I'm a daddy's girl, but both of my parents had an equal hand in raising me. I didn't think it was fair to play favorites."
(19) Borrow Some Bling
Take your cue from celebs and mooch rocks for your red-carpet moment. A growing number of jewelry stores are renting out their wares to customers for special occasions (but they probably won't do it for a total stranger). To protect their megavaluable merch, you'll have to sign a contract taking responsibility for the baubles and give them your credit-card number so they can bill you for any mishaps.
20 Enlist Your Own Deejay
Make a personal playlist by loading up an MP3 player or iPod (get a friend or hire an amateur deejay to man it) with songs you dig. Then burn the best ones onto CDs that you can give to your guests as favors.
(21) Serve Your Own Signature Cocktail
Met your man over mojitos? Make that your signature booze for the evening. Serving a specialty drink that means something to you adds a fun, personal touch to your celebration. You can also display the recipe for your guests.
(22) Give a Dance Lesson
Who couldn't use a tango lesson? Boost your guests' dancing confidence by hiring a dance instructor to teach them some moves. It'll be a lot more fun than trying to drag people into the floor to do the Electric Slide.
(23) Tap Into Counter Intelligence
You don't need to hire a pro who's going to give you over-the-top makeup and pageant hair (for anywhere from $110 to $225). Hit the beauty counter at the mall instead and ask for some tips on how to max out your assets. Or enlist a pal who's a hair-and-makeup whiz to be your stand-in stylist.
(24) Keep the Date Flexible
If you're not dead-set on being a June bride, you can save up to 10 percent. Schedule your reception in the off-season, from December through February, and on any day other than Saturday for even more savings.
(25) Let Your Pet Participate
Are you as attached to your pooch as Paris is to Tinkerbelle? Not a problem. These days, you can include Fido in your ceremony--as long as the place will allow it. After all, a woman's best friend is part of the family too.
WHO FOOTS THE BILL?
The bride's family once automatically paid for the wedding. Nowadays, 70 percent of couples spring for part of the cost (or all of it) on their own.
SOURCE: THE KNOT
GET YOUR GROOM INVOLVED
Most men actually want to be part of the planning process. Here's how to get your guy pumped to pitch in.
HOME IN ON HIS INTERESTS
"He's not going to get psyched about floral arrangements or table linens," says Dan Jewel, author of the upcoming The Groom's Guide to Getting Married. "But when it comes to picking out the band, going over the menu, or doing a tasting, he'll be more excited."
NEGOTIATE WITH YOUR GUY
Mundane must-dos like gift-registering can be hell for him ... unless you learn how to bargain. Jewel recommends roping him in with conditional statements like "If we can spend an hour choosing china, then we can head over to the electronics."
LET HIM DRESS HIMSELF
"Men hate it when you tell them what to wear," says Jewel. "Sure, he may need some guidance, but it's not like he's going to show up in jeans if you give him a little freedom." Bottom line: Let him have his James Bond moment in the tux of his choosing.
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